I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
