i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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