This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
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bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
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I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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