She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
