i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
