Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Can you bring me the toilet please
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
