So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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