I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
