Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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