Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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