I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
