If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Randomize
