I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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