My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
zippers are such a cool invention
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
