did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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