K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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