It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
