Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it hurts more in the daytime
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
