Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I smell like Dick and happiness
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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