you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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