I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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