i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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