im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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