Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
