If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
