It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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