I am puke
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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