Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
and she was petting her beer can
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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