shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
