She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never un-have a 4some
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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