i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
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i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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