Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
