those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
