sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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