the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize