chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
