seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
