i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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