that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
