Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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