you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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