I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
