Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
