Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
