I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
