the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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