ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize