I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
