since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
