the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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