So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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