I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
