Kiss
Puke
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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