I wanna passion pit in your ass
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
