The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
