I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
