the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
