i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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