i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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