i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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