i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
