no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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