I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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