The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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