Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
