A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
